The Big Green House

Friday, October 03, 2003

 
NEW YORK (AP) � Viewers of NBC�s �Today� show were surprised when a swarm of carnivorous flies issued forth from the mouth of Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld during an interview this morning, terrorizing host Katie Couric before landing on Rumsfeld�s head and stripping it of flesh.

Witnesses reported that Couric had just asked Rumsfeld about the escalating number of American casualties in Iraq. The Secretary stared silently at the popular television personality for a moment, and then emitted an eerie buzzing noise. He then opened his mouth and, according to the estimate of one entomologist who did not wish to be named, some 10,000 � 20,000 flies of a previously unknown species emerged. After briefly circling the startled Couric, the insects settled on Rumsfeld�s head and consumed the flesh down to the bone within approximately two minutes.

Couric�s attempts to brush the flies off the stricken man with her interview notes were thwarted when Rumsfeld turned his bleeding skull toward her and bellowed, �Mine!�. The flies then re-entered his mouth, and Rumsfeld swallowed; seconds later, his musculature and skin appeared to begin regenerating. Within a minute or so, the Secretary�s appearance was normal. NBC cut to commercial at that point. When the show resumed, a visibly shaken Matt Lauer was interviewing weatherman Al Roker, who was trying to explain the intermittent rain of three-legged toads over the nation�s capitol.

When questioned later about the morning�s events, Rumsfeld was quoted as saying, �Does this happen from time to time? Yes, it does. Should you forget you saw anything? Oh my, yes. Absolutely.�

Couric could not be reached for comment.

bmarkey 10/03/2003 07:58:00 PM